My Graduation: Old Maggie, Meet New Maggie

A Tale of Two Maggies:
What Happens when 18 year old U-M Student Maggie meets 22 year old MSU Grad Maggie

The Characters:

 

 Meet akwardly skinny, young Maggie. She’s 18 1/2. She’s not happy to be at the University of Michigan. She has a plan for the next five years. It’s pretty ambitious. It does not include fun Fun? She’ll have fun when she’s dead.

 

 

 

 

 Meet 22 year old Maggie. She is not excited to be graduating. She’s not thinking about the next five years because in five years, she’ll be 27, and that’s OLD. She’d rather be dead than old.

 

 

 

The setting: Frazzled looking 18 year old Maggie is walking across campus when she runs into 22 year old Maggie in her green graduation gown. AND SCENE:

(18 year old Maggie is walking with her head down, face stuffed into her notes for her Introduction to Comparative Poetry class. It’s slightly windy out, so she may blow away due to her awkwardly skinny frame if she’s not careful. She then bumps stumbles over a loose brick in the sidewalk (typical Flood), and bumps completely into 22 year old Maggie):

18 Years Maggie(18M): Whoa! Whoa! Sorry! Shit! My notes are everywhere! 
22 Years Maggie (22M): Eh, they’re poetry notes. Not like anyone really gives a crap about poetry. Oh hey! You’re 18 year old Maggie right? Nice to meet you (sticks out pale hand). I’m 22 year old Maggie. How’s it going?
18M: (clutches equally pale hand (somethings never change) for a firm handshake). I’m good. It’s finals week freshman year, so I’m pretty swamped and stuff. Uhh, you’re 22, right? Why are you wearing a green gown? According to our five year plan, you should be finishing up your first year of Law School. I’m not sitting through bullshit poetry classes so you can parade your ass around in a green graduation gown just for kicks. Jesus, get a hobby. Or go to the library and study. You should be studying.
22M: (backs away, worried about 18M’s reaction) Uh, yeah, Maggie. About that. We didn’t really (puts hands into quotation marks) “follow the plan.” The plan was, well, boring.
18M: (visually annoyed. Points to a bench and the two sit down) Um, okay. Well, this is a shock. So, explain the green gown. You should be graduating from Michigan, at least, even if we veered off track.
22M: uhhh…about that. Yeah, we didn’t go that route either. Go State?
18M: Seriously…a state girl? Pathetic, Maggie. David’s on Wallstreet selling stocks and you’re what, pre-law at State? This might ruin our law school plans.
22M:Uhh, yeah. We aren’t going to law school. Sorry, kid. And David’s in med school.
18M: Jesus. I laid out a very specific plan for you for the next five years. You can’t even follow simple directions? God. I’m not surprised you go to State. You obviously can’t even READ well enough to follow a very complex, extremely ambitious, dry, and extremely non-fun plan for success.  
22M: You know, you’re kind of a bitch sometimes. You should really lighten up.
18M: (exhales very long, deep breath). Okay. So career-wise, a little off track. Let’s talk personal goals. You always wanted to get married the summer after Under-grad. How’s that looking?
22M: (stifles a nervous giggle) That’s just not even in the new five year plan you’re going to go home and make tonight. But, I ran a half marathon. You always wanted to do that, right?
18M: Oh, that’s real great. I guess 1 of 450 goals isn’t too shitty. How’s high school boyfriend?
22M: God, I am like your dream crusher huh? That didn’t work out. Sorry. But, don’t give me that face. It’s not like you’re an old maid. And besides, you still have some of the same high school friends. And you made a lot of new friends. You’re fun, I promise. You turned out okay. I’m okay.
18M: You’re killing me. Really. At least we turned out kind of pretty. I’m glad to see you finally started crawling out of the awkward phase. 5-18 was a rough patch (the two high five) Did we do anything productive AT ALL in the past three years? 
22M: Hmm, things you’d be surprised about? I went to Italy. And took a lot of Math classes. I got an A in calc! I want to be a yoga teacher someday. I like to run. I eat frozen yogurt with my boyfriend when I don’t want to study. I’m involved in Greek Life. I did okay, really. You gotta relax, kid. And have you eaten this month? You look really skinny. Your ass is actually flatter than your chest.
18M: I DON’T HAVE TIME TO EAT! I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING US INTO LAW SCHOOL.
22M: Eh, relax. We turn out okay. You’re moving to California. I can’t really speak for the Maggie’s older than us, but the next few years go really well for you. This is the bad part of your college experience. It only gets better. I mean, not that it could really get worse. I think your face may be stuck in a constant state of worry.
18M: Ohhh, good to see we don’t lose that nice wit. Well, whatever. Have you seen 30 year old Maggie? I have a few questions for her.
22M: Yeah, me too. She hasn’t shown up yet. I hope we age well.
18M: I mean, we don’t tan. At least we won’t get wrinkles. I think I’m going to go get some Shrimp and steak for dinner and then head  to the library. Wanna come?
22M: Uh, sorry girl. You’re allergic to shrimp. Surprise! And you don’t eat meat anymore. Rough break. And you feel like the library stifles creativity. So you study in your bed, which is convenient for when you want to take a nap.
18M: You know what? I’m going to head out, but you stay here. You seem happy. I’m going to go suffer in the library. Congratulations on graduating. There’s a sight I thought we’d never see.
22M: Take care of yourself, Mags. The next three years go quick. And seriously, brush your hair. Curly hair does not have to mean frizzy hair .

(fades to black)