My Minneapolis Summer: Kicking the Can

I am a caffeine slut. 

It’s true. There’s no true PC way to put it. I love caffeine. I love diet coke. I love coffee. I love green tea. I love anything that makes my alarm clock shrieking “WAKE UP LITTLE GIRL”  at me at 6:30 am a little less painful. 

But, the problem with diet coke is this: It’s actually not very good for you. I mean, as vices go, if you’re a DC fan, you could do a lot worse than a can or two of the most delicious beverage I can think of. But, if you’re like me and have gone to such lengths as to nickname Diet Coke the “DC,” well, you might be a little too into it. As I am. And, I’ve polluted my body with enough of the crap to actually be able to feel a difference in my body when I have it and when I don’t. And for years, and I seriously mean years, I’ve been trying to get off it. But with it’s sparkly silver can and it’s enticing red logo (devil red, in my opinion), I just can’t let go. It’s love, you know? To break it off would mean heartbreak and we all just want to be loved.

Coffee and I, however, are a more recent couple. I’ve been off and on with coffee since Finals of my Junior year of college. So, we’ve been doing it since December, and things are just about to get serious. It tends to tempt me on the weekends, when I’m out and about, and I have a hard time turning it down on extra cold mornings or when I need a little work pick me up. Coffee, however, is actually pretty decent for you. I know a lot of parents, especially those who are convinced that you know, anything non-organic, non-recyclable, or non-expensive is horrible for their little snowflake, but the truth is in the research: coffee has a bunch of crap I can’t pronounce in it that makes it not bad for you. The problem with it? It stains your teeth. My problem with that? I want a white smile. I like pictures. I don’t want coffee teeth. 

My solution? Green tea. Green tea offers a lot of benefits, speeds up your metabolism (SCORE! to the m and ms I have socked away in my freezer) and is still warm and still will make my life tolerable when Corporate America insists I wake up so it can suck out my soul. 

But okay, I see where your doubts lie. What makes this time different. Well, my little peppermint patties, this time it’s going to stick. I’ve purchased Crest Whitestrips. I’ve purchased whitening toothpaste. I’ve purchased Green tea. I’ve made my declaration public: I am shedding my slut status for a pearly white smile and some tea crap the Chinese love. 

Updates shall be forthcoming. If you were a betting man, I wouldn’t bet on me succeeding. Unless you want to bet me, because I could really use the motivation.