My Bad Blogging

I HATE being told what to do.

I think this little factoid about me comes from a variety of factors. I’m a lot like my parents, and both of them are so against authority that they’ve chosen careers where they can tell other people what to do. I’m also the middle child, so when I was younger, I was always been bossed around by my older brother. I’m also the only girl, which means my little brother had a pretty easy time bossing me around too. In addition to that, I’m pretty much a pushover. If you ask me to do something, it’s nearly impossible for me to say no because I feel guilty denying a request that’s rarely difficult to fulfill. 

When I was in my teens, (I’m nearly 21 now, practically a grown up), my lack of saying no skills was a total hinderance. It meant I was always stuck doing the “bitch” jobs in clubs, doing the whole group report in class, or just generally picking up other people’s slack. They don’t call it being the bitch though, instead people just labeled me “dependable.” 

But, just because I always do what I’m asked, does not mean I do it happily. In fact, I harbor a lot of pent up aggression towards people asking me for favors. Let me be specific about one thing though: I do not mind doing favors. I mind doing favors for habitual favor-askers. You know, the girl that’s always like, “can I borrow five dollars for lunch?” and then asks you twice a week. And never pays you back. Or the roommate who always asks for a ride to class, but never returns the favor. Or the person who always wants you to do something but you never ask them for anything. Essentially, one sided favor askers. Those people are on my Official Annoying List. Especially because one-sided favor askers don’t really “ask” for something, they’re telling you what to do. 

Because I don’t like to yell (my yelling voice is not cute) and I don’t enjoy confrontation (it’s awkward), I never say anything to those one sided favor askers. So, the aggression builds and the end result is that being told what to do is something that I will spend my life trying to avoid. In fact, when I am told to do something with no specific time line, I generally put it off as long as possible just because it’s something that I was told to do. 

Examples:

1. My mom wants me to go to a running clinic because I have such severe tendonitis in my feet that I’m on vicodin for pain and am unable to run until further notice. We learned of the clinic in August and it’s held once a week. I was all pumped to go, until my Mom told me I had to go. I haven’t gone yet. 

2. My roommate last year always used to give me crap for having a messy room. Growing up, my room was always messy and my parents were always telling me I had to clean it. This year, I have some really laidback roommates who never comment on the state of my room. I now clean it every morning before I go to class. 

But, want to know the prime example of me resisting being told what to do?

This blog. People are always telling me I just “have to” write in it. There’s no timeline on when I have to or what I have to say, so for every email or text I get reminding me to update, I push it back even further. I like writing and I believe my witty thoughts make for a better humankind overall, but the second my brother’s voice begins to mock me for having gone three months without an entry, my eyes glaze over and I turn on the tv and push my laptop away.

I hereby promise to try to write in my blog more. I hereby promise that my sarcastic thoughts will not be selfishly kept to myself. Just promise me you won’t tell me I have to do it and I will.