My Empty Nesters

I have to admit, when my little brother left for college, I was a little concerned for my parents. I mean, after 23 years of having children to dote on and give love and attention to, I didn’t really know what they would do with all their spare time. 

My brothers and I were all super busy throughout high school. Because our parents said we all had to play two varsity sports plus be active in clubs (gotta beef up that college resume), we’d kept them employed as professional spectators for as long as I can remember. Thus, when Jake left for college, I made it a mission to make sure they wouldn’t be too sad. How? I made sure to call every night. I emailed when I had time. I accepted the fact that my dog and my dad were going to be best friends and that it was probably healthy for Cliff to have something to play with, even if that thing is a four pound ball of fluff. 

Hence, I wasn’t expecting this conversation:

Me: Hey Mom, how’s <insert’s son of family friend’s name> doing in his first year of college?

Mom: Great! His dad’s BARELY heard from him so everything’s SUPER!

….so wait? That kid doesn’t call home and his Dad just assumes he’s great and everyone’s thrilled. I call home every night out of the goodness of my heart and you’re somehow insinuating that I am less than super? I immediately cut my calls down to every other night.

I do go to college close to school though. So I’m not against asking my parents to come by for dinner. It gives me a chance to see them and make sure they’re holding up without me around, and of course, it’s free food. A few weeks after school started, this conversation occurred:

Me: Hey Mom, it’s Maggie. Do you want to go out to dinner this week?

Mom: Hmm, well, I’m really busy with my spinning class, plus I have a stepping class. Oh, and the girls are coming over for Margaritas on Thursday and then I have book club so I mean, of course I want to see you, honey, but I’m just really busy.

What?! My own mother is rejecting my company? Isn’t she supposed to be devastated over my departure? How can she even THINK about NOT having dinner with me?

I got the hint though. Ann and Cliff were puttering along fine without me to keep them company. So, I stopped worrying and had a good time at school all first semester. Then, the brothers and I came home for Christmas break. Mom had bought groceries and yummy food and seemed truly delighted to have us all home.  This reinforced everything I’d originally suspected: they are masking their pain and truly weep at my absence.  Which was the theory I clung to until this conversation came along:

Mom’s Friend: So, how’s it having everyone home?

Mom: Good! Well, except it’s loud and pretty messy. But I mean, they go back in a few weeks and the house can be clean again and take naps without hearing the piano blare through my earplugs.

While I’d like to think she’s just masking her pain so that no one realizes how truly deep she’s hurting, after I put all these conversations together, I’m starting to think perhaps she likes being an empty nester! That perhaps the woman enjoys not spending every Saturday morning at volleyball tournaments or every Tuesday and Friday night watching her sons plays sports! Spinning and Margaritas with the girls may NOT be her way of attempting to grieve for her loss–she might actually like that crap!

But that couldn’t be true, right? Right? 

Maggie: Mom, that’s not true right?

Mom: Honey, I don’t really have time to talk, American Idol is on and your dad just poured me a glass of wine…